Sometimes eloquence doesn’t quite cover it…
Sometimes eloquence doesn’t quite cover it…
A while back (read: almost 8 months ago) I wrote a silly little post called A selection of things I’ve considered since quitting my job. Truth be told, I actually knew what I was planning on doing at the time, but wasn’t in the position to actually share it yet – so I figured I should kickstart my blogging again with an updated version.
So – here we go. A selection of things I’ve actually done since quitting my job. Turns out things weren’t as adventurous as I’d planned…and no, I didn’t get a tattoo!
Usually, Facebook memories just reminds me of regrettable hairstyles (blonde was not my colour…), embarrassing statuses and friends I haven’t spoken to in years.
Today, it’s reminded me of something very, very different – a quite spectacular bit of procrastination from my final year of my undergraduate degree. (Though I say so myself)
So for those of you who are currently mid-dissertation, essay or other such deadline, here is are 30 perfectly valid reasons not to hand in a bibliography, as written by myself and a friend. (Facebook memories didn’t help me with which friend…). Some of these are quite music-specific, and a couple of the jokes are ever so slightly 2010. But the message is still there…somewhere.
1) I have a severe allergy to bibliographies.
2) All things relating to Harvard Referencing are against my religious beliefs.
3) My newly upgraded computer software is not coping well from running all the programs required for your essay and this bibliography will push it over the edge.
4) I’m going mad from trying to reference the MILLIONS of sources I used, because I spent hours and hours and HOURS researching, and there’s just too many to list.
5) I’m a keen environmentalist and consider it a horrendous waste of paper to print a bibliography due to the unnecessary effects on planet earth.
6) I’m a socialist, and don’t want to give these damn writers any more bloody publicity. They get paid enough.
7) I had one sheet of paper left, and I needed it to write a letter to Obama.
8) I have attached it…it’s written in invisible ink.
9) An evil villain hijacked my printer, and in order to secure public safety I had to take on some serious negotiations. This eventually led to a return of the piece of paper, but said villain kept the words that were written on it. It was for the good of the human race, though…
10) Turns out my room is actually the TARDIS. The I stepped inside it, I was transported back to three years before recordings were first made, therefore there were no books available on how recordings have changed music. Or about a piece of music written in 2002. Therefore I used all my prior knowledge, and have only just managed to get back to the present day.
11) Jack Black turned up and urgently needed my musical talent and skill to play in Battle Of The Bands and I felt it was necessary for the purposes of Sticking It To The Man which is a cause I have always been a strong advocate of and besides I only just got back and didn’t really have any time anyway.
12) I DID write a bibliography, but on my way to uni I was attacked by a goat. Turns out this goat had a preference for pieces of paper with bibliographies written on them. It was my bibliography or my composition, so naturally I chose to save the composition.
13) Computer says no.
14) I had a vision from God in which he commanded me not to write this bibliography because it is a sin and I would otherwise burn in hell for the rest of eternity.
15) I went with Busted to the Year 3000 and saw that bibliographies were obsolete, therefore it made logical sense to adapt to the way of the future.
16) I got an anonymous letter saying an anonymous donor would give £10million to the university if I didn’t write a bibliography. I wouldn’t want to deny you that possibility. Sadly I can’t show you the letter as it self-destructed 20 seconds after I read it…
17) I’m actually quite close friends with Harry Potter and he needed me to help fight Voldemort. Order of the Phoenix business….
18) I’m secretly a superhero and you were urgently required to go fight some crime and I’m kinda like Birmingham’s Batman, so I couldn’t say no…
19) “Bibliography? You didn’t say please, and I find your lack of manners objectionable.”
20) Your mum has it.
21) I already gave it in *Jedi wave*
22) I’m a ninja. You say the word bibliography again, or question the lack of it and….well, just look out is all I can say….
23) …yeah you heard me. Don’t make me angry. You won’t like me when I’m angry… *insert rapid transformation of Hulk-like proportions*
24) My boyfriend’s a werewolf. You know how they change if they experience strong emotions? Well, he has VERY strong emotions when it comes to bibliographies and Harvard referencing, so every time I print one, he changes and it’s just putting my life at risk really…
25) …and then my crazy vampire ex is going to come back and try to kill him which will involve serious liaisons with legal teams and law enforcement agencies not to mention adding to the vampire-werewolf rift which a bit on the rocks as it is.
26) I feel it’s an invasion of privacy to ask which books I’ve read and which websites I’ve been on in relation to this essay.
27) I was going to do my bibliography, but then I saw the weather forecast for more HEAVY snow on Wednesday. The thought of more snow, especially after last week’s snow-related events, sent me into a downward emotional spiral and I was therefore unable to do my bibliography .
28) I had to remove all traces of my physical and cyber whereabouts due to government surveillance because I’m secretly the Hulk / Birmingham Batman / I have a vampire ex / werewolf boyfriend / because of the villain etc etc
29) Ohhh no. Didn’t you hear? Bibliographies are actually illegal, anyone found writing them will be sentenced to at least 30 years in jail and a lifetime’s ban from music…
30) “Ah. I thought you might ask about that. I have decided, that should you want to know which books and websites I used, I would present it to you in the form of interpretive dance….”